What Do I Do Again?!

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I am sitting here trying to prepare for my interview tomorrow morning at 8:30. I think I remember what it was I used to do for a living. I know it hasn’t been that long, but in some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. If I were the tin man, I’d need an oil can about right now.

I scanned my resume. I couldn’t believe that 25 years could fit onto 2 pages. I also couldn’t believe how much I had done. Where did the years go? Ah, yes, I can see them all around my eyes when I look in the mirror most mornings!

It’s funny, but the thing that I like most about my resume is not all the technical writing experience; it’s the creative writing that I’ve had published and my little award. These are the things that have made me the proudest of my “career.”

I think my only hesitation about getting a new job is that I was so hoping that I might find a job, well, the job; it’s the job that has me writing creatively, involved in music somehow, talking to people all day, and organizing the office parties! (I’m very good at that last one, especially if the party involves food and champagne!)

Anyway, that list somewhat comprises my dream job, and I thought that during this time, I might be lucky enough to find it. It just doesn’t seem like this is the opportune time in life to change my career given the economy and the fact that Nate is heading to college in less than two years. Okay, never mind the years in the resume, when did Nathan grown up?!?!?! :-)

As a detour from trying to remember what I used to do, I assembled my interview duds.

One black boring suit…check!



Note: I’m wearing pants not a skirt. I’d lie and tell you that it’s cold here now, but that’s not why I’m wearing pants. The truth is that I’m too lazy to shave my legs tomorrow morning, and I only have black fishnet stockings, err, which I don’t think are appropriate for an interview; well, perhaps they might be if you are a “cocky” Cosmo girl!

How do you get around the black boring suit? You pimp it with a stunning rhinestone vintage pin!!!!



So, while my suit says, “I’m a very serious woman, and I will work hard from 9-5,” my pin says “But, I do have a sense of fashion, like shiny objects, and am not boring in the least!”

One lavender sweater…check!



Why lavender? Because 1) it looks good with my green eyes, 2) It’s not boring white, off white, beige, tan, or ecru, and 3) Lavender is really purple (one of my favorite colors) masquerading as subdued yet still eye-catching. Mmm, BA, ha, ha!

One strand of pearls…check!



Why? Because as you all know, everyone and everything looks classier with pearls.

One pair of boring black shoes…check!



Though, I have half a mind to wear these instead; after a ponder, nope, because I think they say “I love houndstooth, but you might find me an intimidating 6’2” when I wear these!”



–phew–

My wardrobe was hung on my bureau with care,

In hopes that a job offer would soon would be there.

This is only my fifth interview in 8 months; I’m counting two phone screens in there. I really don’t like phone screens. I like seeing the people I’m talking to – a face, expressions, to look into a pair of eyes, to see hands, to see how they sit, walk, cough, or hold a coffee cup. It comforts me to see all that. (The dislike of the phone screen is probably similar to my dislike of online documentation; I like thumbing through the pages of the book I’m reading, being able to write in the margins or use one of those little post-it note stickies to mark a page.) I just like most things I am dealing with right there within my grasp.

My Most Unusual Interview Question So Far: “How are you going to make us famous?” I asked, “This position is for a technical writer, isn’t it?”

My Most Fun Interview Question So Far: “Tell me about this trip to Vegas that you won!”

I babbled on for about 5 minutes; obviously, what I did in Vegas didn’t have to stay there. Don’t get me wrong; I had so much fun; but, I was at a trade show, so it was three days of standing on my feet for 8 hours each day. I do like to refer to it as my “Booth Babe” trip.

And, here I am as a booth babe.

Yes, I do have pink streaks in my hair and am wearing Minnie Mouse false eyelashes. No, believe it or not, it was not MY idea to do that. I might have shown this photo before on my blog, but I think it bears repeating.

I started a story about this trip called “Confessions of a Las Vegas Booth Babe,” but I never finished it. So, here it is in its “UNentirety.” I know that’s not a word, but too bad, it is for me now!

Confessions of a Las Vegas Booth Babe

In March of this year, the Marketing Department in my company sent out an email company-wide to ask if anyone might be interested in participating in a trade show in April. They were clear to point out that you need not be a VoIP expert, err, which I was not. (I am a technical writer who writes the release notes for our three main products; I barely get to breath between releases to learn any of these products in depth, having put out a total of approximately 150 sets of release notes last year.) The email stated that you only be “outgoing and willing to tell the world” why they should come see our booth at the trade show and that you were “dedicated and passionate” about the company.

I have to admit that I’ve never had the desire to go to Las Vegas, unlike one of my friends, who makes a pilgrimage every four months or so with her girlfriends for four days of poolside sitting, drinking lots of umbrella drinks, gambling, and, of course, the icing on that Activity Cake, shopping!

Suddenly, I thought, “I should go to Vegas.” I have no idea why that thought came into my mind, because “Go to Vegas” wasn’t on my top ten or even top twenty things to do before I die, but the next thing I knew, I was replying to the Marketing email with “I’d like to be considered for the trip.”

After a few days, another email came from Marketing. It was addressed to all 26 people, probably like me, who suddenly felt that their life might not be complete without at least one trip to Vegas. Perhaps they didn’t expect the overwhelming response, because most of us thought it would be a case of picking a name out of a hat to choose the lucky winner.

I read what was expected of the “lucky winner” (then deemed a “crowd gather”, but as you can see, I prefer “booth babe” better); “This means you need to be outgoing, continuously approaching strangers, and telling them to visit our booth.” After reading the job description, I knew that “Las Vegas” plus “crowd gatherer” definitely equaled me!

Talking to total strangers?! One of the few books I vividly remember getting from my Mom and her reading to me over and over again when I was about seven years old was “Don’t Talk to Strangers.” It featured some crocodile trying to do his best to get small children to talk to him, and at the end of each scenario, it was clearly stated “Don’t talk to strangers!”

Upon reading the third paragraph of the Marketing email, it became clear that the winner would not be chosen at random but be the winner of a writing contest. “Please send us one to two paragraphs on the company and what our Edge means to you.” I’m sure all of the engineers cringed upon reading this and said, “Aw, jeez. Can’t we fix a piece of software or create some new code instead?” Typically, an engineer’s forte is not writing and when you throw marketing into that mix, well, I do believe that at that moment I heard low groans coming from the second floor of the build, where most of our engineering is located.

If the writing assignment didn’t scare most, then the next paragraph on dress code surely put yet another Elvis impersonator in the path to block the road to Vegas. Anyone going to the show needed to wear a black suit with the stipulation “No track or sport shoes. Please!” I found it kind of funny that anyone would actually contemplate sneakers with a suit, but I guess in the engineering community, anything goes where fashion in concerned or rather, um, not concerned.

I have to admit that even I was scared by the marketing writing assignment. And, it's no wonder I'm so ebulliently verbose in the evening given that all day I work at trying to make statements like the following understandable to any person off the street:

"When the CPC of E2 was present in a call, the Called Digit Type was set to Govt Emergency. Later when the LATA and Toll were determined, if the Call Type was set to InterLata1+ or IntraLata1+,only if the Called Digit Type is National or Subscriber or Test. So for our call, the Call Type is left unchanged (and stays at its existing value of 1+). So, the routes, which are provisioned with InterLata1+ and IntraLata1+ are not found."

Yeah, I know. What the heck? I have to rewrite statements like this so even my five-year-old daughter would understand them. Anyway, intimidated a tad by the marketing aspect, I thought, well, I was a writer, but I don’t typically craft the kind of stuff that would make people buy cat food even if they didn’t own one.

Anyway, there were three days to come up with some kind of convincing prose about why the company had the edge and then to contemplate if writing something and attending the show as a “Booth Babe” was even worth the effort. And, I felt that I might have an angry mob of Engineers outside my cube bearing pitchforks when one of my friends told me that an engineer in his group was already saying “No fair!” in having to compete with me in what now seemed like a writing contest.

In typical form, I took almost two days to absorb the task at hand and then on Thursday night, I decided with glass of wine in hand that I would put all my self-confidence chips (one I found in my pants pocket while doing the laundry earlier and the other I bought on eBay for $9.99) on the “Jean to Vegas” spot to win.

An hour and a half later, I had three paragraphs and had drank two glasses of wine. I read them over and over again and thought, “Oh, jeez. This is so not Marketing. I’m not doing this.” Then I’d reread it and think, “But, this is how I really feel about the company and all the people I work with. I’m sending it.” I debated with myself for over 30 minutes, and then I finally sent it to one of my fellow writers for his thoughts. He made some minor edits and said, “Go for it!"

The next morning, I composed an email with my Edge statement to the VP of Marketing. Did I hit the “Send” button? Err, no, I hovered over the “Send” button for a good part of the day wondering what I was about to do, if it was good enough, if it was totally stupid, or if I really needed to go to Vegas, because I could sit poolside, drink cocktails with umbrella in them, gamble (albeit in CT not MA), and shop right in my own backyard. Who needed Las Vegas?

Thirty minutes before the 5pm deadline, I decided that I needed Vegas, took a deep breath, cringed, and then hit the “Send” button. Eeek! What did I do?! Hmmm. Too late. It’s in the hands of the Marketing Gods now, and it was going to take them a week to make a decision.

Okay, for some reason, the rest of that story stayed in Vegas, even though I didn’t get married in a chapel by an Elvis impersonator, win big on a slot machine, or get to meet Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Nick Stokes, Catherine Willows or any of the other people in the Vegas C.S.I. department. Oh, yes, that show is real. Is too!

It’s almost 8pm, and I’ve done nothing but put together my wardrobe, assemble my writing samples, and print out directions. I best get onto the real work – the preparation of what to say whilst in the interview.

I’m very good with people….and cats. Do many cats buy your product?

I didn’t inhale nor do I have a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine; however, I am in love with Hello Kitty, and by the way, she didn’t inhale either!

No matter what I said in my blog, I ♥ online documentation.

Thanks to Melissa, Brenda, Marcia, and Sarah for the well wishes.
And, do you know what?
No matter what the outcome, I will be…………happy…………always. ♥