On the Seventh Day of Christmas

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Twelve Days of Christmas Note: Since I’m a writer, I can take creative license when it comes to Christmas or any other topic. (Remember, I am not only a writer, but I’m a Goddess, too.) Anyway, I know the Twelve Days of Christmas are technically the 12 days after Christmas even though it seems like they should be the 12 days before; however, I've twisted this, because I really wanted the opportunity to say this today…

♪♫ On the seventh day of Christmas, Hunter Appliance gave to me…one Whirlpool Duet…before dirty laundry could make me fret! ♪♫

Yes, today was the day I received my new washing machine!

Well, it wasn’t my present of choice. I did ask the salesman if they could put a red bow on it, because it’s literally what I was getting for Christmas this year. But, if I had to choose between a pair of stilettos, a Hello Kitty toaster, or a bottle of Hermes, I’d definitely choose clean clothes first. Yes, really!

It was a total shock when my other washer, only six years old, began making sounds so loud and obnoxious that I thought a C-130 was flying over the house. Some bearing went, and it would cost $300 to fix it. Hey, they don’t build them like they used to, huh?

In the "olden days," good appliances lasted 15-20 years; however, today, they’re like everything else, becoming useless the day after the warranty expires. If I had been in the basement the day the washer began acting up, I’m sure I would have heard, “This washing machine will self-destruct in five seconds.” The person who sold me the washer neglected to tell me that it had the Mission Impossible feature, wherein my washer would self-destruct after six years and the $600 I spent on it!

Anyway, it’s almost the New Year; thus, the guys from Hunter Appliance did the out-with-the-old-and-in-with-the-new at noon today. When examining my present in the basement, I realized that a lot had changed in washing machine technology in the last six years. Actually, I was overwhelmed, because where I once had 4 wash cycles, I now had nine.

Nine?! Yes, and here they are: Clean Wash – Bleach Only, Delicate – Hand Wash, Normal – Casual (casual?!), Heavy Duty, Whitest Whites, and Sanitary. I asked the delivery guy what “Sanitary” was. He said, “I think it blasts your laundry with wicked hot water the whole time.” My, we’ve come a long way from the beating our dainties on rocks, Baby!

And there was more. I had water temperatures to choose from (super hot, hot, warm, and cold) and spin speeds (high, medium, low, and no spin.) It seemed that now with all these options, I had to spend at least 10 minutes, before throwing in a load, deciding on the cycle, water temperature, and the spin speed. I’m unemployed, but please shoot me if I ever need to think that hard about washing a load of laundry!

Being a technical writer, I always read the manual. I do. Well, I might not read it cover-to-cover; however, I do read the sections that describe the things I need to know that aren’t inherent. I had to laugh when I read the “Washer Safety” section, which said, “Your safety and the safety of others are very important. We have provided many important safety messages in this manual and on your appliance. Always read and obey all safety messages.” Had I bought a washing machine or a taser?!

Under “Important Safety Instructions” I saw “Do not wash articles that have been previously cleaned in, washed in, soaked in, or spotted with gasoline, dry-cleaning solvents, other flammable, or explosive substances as they give off vapors that could ignite or explode.” Jeez, who knew washing clothes could be so deadly? Did you know that?

And, does this mean if my sweater, previously dry–cleaned, got thrown in the washer by accident that I could be pushing up daisies? When you actually read the manual, a washing machine does begin to sound just as dangerous and threatening as a taser!

To add insult to economic injury today, I found out my car needed new snow tires ($300), and my digital camera failed to turn on this afternoon. In addition to the washer, it seemed that this Christmas was all about necessity rather than luxury, which was fine.

When Iz and I were out and about doing some Christmas shopping, we were chatting in the car, and then she blurted out, “Mom, we’re such good friends. You’re my BFF!” Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts!

Just then, Devo’s “Whip It” played on my “New Wave” CD in the car. I started singing to it, and Iz squealed. She said, “Mom, you’re so funny! You know all the words.”

I had so many fond memories of that song. I can’t remember how many times Bitsy and I danced the night away to it in college after many beers. And, is there anywhere to go dancing anymore and who’s going to take me on New Year’s Eve?! ♥

This Christmas, more than any other, receiving presents seems trivial to me. I’m glad I can give a bit, if that’s all I can give. I think the best present is that I’m here, healthy, am Iz’s BFF, and I have clean clothes! ♥

"The aspects of things that are most important to us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity." ~Prof. Ludwig Wittgenstein

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