Ask the Goddess

Blog soundtrack:



Since I am most popular (even if it’s only in my own mind, but still pretty popular as far as being popular in my own mind goes), I receive MANY questions from readers. So, I’m going to take this opportunity to answer some of them.

Dear Goddess,

May I ask you to write a review for my screen capture product on your blog? I will present you with a license for free.

K.P., Goosepimple Junction, VA

I do not promote products on my blog, and if I did, believe me, I would only promote products like cat food, cookie cutters, shoes, pink computers and phones, mascara, and the perfect travel coffee mug!

Dear Goddess,

Great Christmas party! Where do you come up with all this?

P.Q. Knockemstiff, Ohio

Hell if I know. But, I do believe it has something to do with all the drugs that I didn’t take in college.

Dear Goddess,

Will Nathan ever get his license?

Z.S., Frankenstein, MS

Yes, but it will probably be well after Iz and Plume get theirs!

Dear Goddess,

Is it true that you appeared in a book naked?

G.O., Bad Axe, MI

One upon a time, I did appear in the book “Cats and Their Women,” but I was not naked. Well, I was in the bathtub; therefore, I wasn’t wearing any clothes. (And for the record, I stopped wearing clothes in the bathtub long ago, because you don’t get as clean as you do when don’t have clothes on.) So, technically, I suppose I was naked; and non-technically, I was clothed in bubbles and not really naked.

Here is the text for my photo in the book.

Casper is the youngest member of what my grandmother likes to call my "cat collection," which presently includes four felines. I did not discover that Casper was aquatic until I began to take frequent bubble baths to alleviate my aches and pains from long cycling treks.

When Casper hears the water running in the bathroom, he comes in and parks himself on the bath mat. When I get in the tub, he jumps on the edge and roams up and down, occasionally stopping to stick his paw into the bubbles, wash himself, or, much to his surprise, pull his long tail out of the water.

Casper seems to defy the rules of nature, well, at least cat nature, with his aquatic tendencies. I think he's really a cat fish.

And, here is my photo.



Dear Goddess,

What was the most interesting vanity license plate you saw today?

A.T., Cow Yard, MA

It would have to be the plate I saw on a Toyota, which read LACTATE. I can’t imagine paying extra money for a vanity plate and then putting LACTATE on it, unless of course LACTATE was some up and coming new band. I can see SUZIEQ, PEACE, IMKEWL, or even PROCREATE (which would really have to be PROCREAT), but LACTATE?!

Dear Goddess,

Which came first – the chicken or the egg?

Q.B., Sweet Lips, TN

Oh, how I hate these rubix-cube type philosophical questions. Of course, the answer is obvious. The feline came first. (See the First Testament of the Great Cat Goddess for more information.) And, in case you didn’t know, the feline was then closely followed by the person who invented Sephora.

Dear Goddess,

The pumpkin cake sounds yummy. Do you part with the recipe?

D.D. Zap, North Dakota

I gladly part with all my recipes. (See my other favorite recipes for Banana Butterscotch Bread and Buttery Butterscotch Cut-outs).

Anyway, it wasn’t a pumpkin cake; I lied. It was a cake that contained pumpkin. Here’s the recipe, which includes a pretty picture, provided free of charge, of what it’s supposed to look like upon completion. Your baking mileage may vary.

Vermont Spice Cake

Cake

1 ½ cups granulated sugar
¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) butter, softened
3 eggs
1 ½ cups LIBBY”S Solid Pack Pumpkin
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
½ cup CARNATION Evaporated Milk
¼ cup water
3 cups all-purpose flour
3 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon ground nutmeg
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon ground cloves
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
Chopped nuts and/or nut halves (optional – just say “No” to nuts!)

Maple Frosting

1 package (8 ounces) and 1 package (3 ounces) cream cheese softened
1/3 cup butter, softened
3 ½ cups sifted powdered sugar
2 to 3 teaspoons maple flavoring

For Cake: Beat granulated sugar and butter in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs; beat for 2 minutes. Add pumpkin and vanilla; mix well. Beat in evaporated milk and water.

Combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg, salt, cloves and ginger in large bowl. Beat into pumpkin mixture.

Spread pumpkin mixture evenly into 2 greased and floured 9-inch round cake pans. Bake in preheated 325 degree oven for 35 to 40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted comes out clean. Cool in pans on racks for 15 minutes. Remove from pans; cool.

For Maple Frosting: Beat cream cheese and butter in large mixer bowl; gradually beat in powdered sugar. Beat in maple flavoring until fluffy.

To Assemble: Cut cakes in half horizontally with long serrated knife.* Frost between layers and on top of cake, leaving sides unfrosted. Top with nuts, but don’t if you’re just saying “No” to nuts! Store in refrigerator. Makes 12 servings.

*Note: To make a 2-layer cake, frost between layers, over top, and on sides of cake. Garnish with nuts. No nuts!!!!

Dear Goddess,

Do kittens have more fun?

D.N., Yreka Zzyzx, CA

Yes, but only when they’re conscious, which is not often.



Dear Goddess,

I am trying to become more handy around the house, yet I still want to incorporate some measure of femininity while doing so. What do you recommend?

E.E., Whynot, NC

When I’m slapping on yet another new addition to my house, putting up drywall, or handcrafting a reproduction of a 1836 high boy out of two-by-fours, I always keep this tool kit by my side.



Nothing says, “Handy chick!” like a pink took kit!

Dear Goddess,

Have you been able to find the perfect travel mug yet? And, if so, what kind is it?

C.U., Cat Elbow Corner, NY

Alas, I was fortunate enough to receive the perfect travel mug as a Christmas present!



You can put it in the dishwasher, put it in the microwave, AND you can fold, spindle, and mutilate it, yet you won’t hear a peep out of it with any sort of complaint! I can’t wait to take it on my 6:30am drive to high school or to a cold hockey rink.

Rumor has it that Brookstone sells a talking version of this mug that says “Before you leave the house, make sure that your underwear is right side out,” “Tell Nathan to call his driver’s ed instructor again,” “Icing occurs when a player shoots the puck across at least two red lines, the opposing team's goal line being the last, and the puck remains untouched,” and lastly, "I have no idea why that kid is in the penalty box either; I'm a travel mug not a hockey referee, Lady!"

Dear Goddess,

Do your readers really ask you a lot of questions?

J.D., Fear Not, PA

Of course, they do! Do you actually think I’m creative enough to make up all these questions on my own? ♥

Who Gave You the Pink Tool Kit and the Perfect Travel Mug Note Even Though It's Technically a Question and Not a Note: Thanks to Brenda and Steve for my pink tool kit and my perfect travel mug; they were my favorite presents. “The best gifts are not those that cost the most money but those that show how well you know the person you’re giving the present to.”

Note to Self: Always mention on your blog the things you might like to have; someone is bound to read about it and then buy it for you! Um, no one’s given me the Alfa yet. Anyone?! Anyone?!