Woman Versus Christmas Tree

Blog soundtrack:



What’s that you asked?
Did I take down the Christmas tree today?
Well, I thought about it while I was looking for jobs and watching “Law & Order” this morning.
How many episodes of “Law & Order” you ask?
Just two, but in my defense, they were two episodes that I had never seen. And, no, my pants are so not on fire!
Oh, so you still want to know about the Christmas tree, do you? Gawd, you’re a pain.
Well, like I said, I thought about doing it, so is that a partial “yes” credit toward taking down the Christmas tree?
No?
Has anyone told you that you’re a slave driver?
Why?
Because, like, I have so many other important things to do besides taking down the Christmas tree.
What you ask?
Well, I have to do laundry, make beds, change litter boxes, run at the gym, and read the new issue of “In Style” magazine (um, yeah, that is mandatory), and there are only so many hours in the day!
You want to know why “Too Hot” is the blog soundtrack?
Read on, Grasshoppers. ♥

Today, I sensed that this thing between me and the Christmas tree had become a battle of sorts. Could you have a battle with an inanimate object? In my defense, Don Quixote did. Was my Christmas tree a windmill? Why couldn’t I take the thing down? Somehow, I sensed that this was a rhetorical question for which I would be searching for the unavailable answer all this week or perhaps even all this month.

I was not new to battles. There had been many others this past year.
Woman versus Finding Big Lipstick.
Woman versus Funkytown.
Woman versus the Couch.
Woman versus New Year’s Resolution.
Woman versus Price Labels on Glasses.
Woman versus Kitten.
Woman versus Coffee Travel Mug.
And, this was just to name a few.
It seemed that Woman versus Christmas Tree was going to be my greatest battle this year.

Then, I pondered whether I had a phobia, a really odd phobia. Well, just look at Billy Bob Thornton; he has a fear of antiques and is rumored to only eat orange foods. I wasn’t that phobic. Well, I didn’t think I was.

Did I have dendrophobia, or was it really a fear of taking down Christmas trees (sarcalogosdendrophia)? Okay. If you didn’t guess already, I made up that last phobia. But, it does sound good, doesn’t it?

By the way, I googled. There is a fear of Christmas trees. Obviously, I don’t have this given I put my Christmas tree up. Oh, but in case you're taking notes, it’s Christougenniatiko dentrophobia.

I had a conversation with a friend today.
Me: “…thinking about starting to take the Xmas tree down.”
Friend: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Me: “Next year, I'm just drawing an Xmas tree on a big piece of paper; it'd be a lot easier.” (Though, you’d definitely need a Yankee candle to complement the paper tree.)
Friend: “I'm with you on the Xmas tree analysis.”
Me: [after a trip to the gym] “Time to go home and take down the Xmas tree..........NOT!!!!”
Friend: “Have you heard of 12th night????”
Me: “I'm calling it the 108 Days of Taking the Christmas Tree Down Before Arbor Day.”
Friend: “Oh give in and leave it up for next year.”

By the time I accomplished all my domestic duties today, I had to fetch Nathan from school. And before we could head home, he had to fetch his hockey equipment from his Dad’s. When I pulled into the driveway, I felt even more guilty. There was Quinn’s tree, undecorated and naked in the yard.



When Nate and I got home, I looked into the living room. There was my still decorated tree. I went in, took off one of my favorite ornaments, and placed it on the coffee table.



One down, and I had at least 107 more to take off. This was was oddly cool, because that was the exact number of days to Arbor Day. I now realized that I could take the tree down at the rate of an ornament per day!

When Iz got off the bus today, she asked, “Mom, are we going skating?” I didn’t even think about the tree then. I thought that this would be her first day on skates, and I said, “Yes. We’re going skating!”



I hadn’t skated in years, and I had to venture up to the attic to fetch mine. They were right next to my roller blades. I had been avid about that once upon a time. And when I was in high school, I loved roller skating with my friends at a rink in Hudson. In fact, whenever I hear Kool and the Gang’s “Too Hot,” I remember rolling along with all my high school friends.

Anyway, Iz was a natural after only 20 minutes, and like a natural, she almost fell down too! I was there to catch her; and I hope I always will be.



Of course, five minutes before this, she wanted me holding her side, both her arms, and have 911 on my speed dial. Suddenly, she said, “No. Let me go!" And off she went.

I thought about it later. Was I just lazy about the tree? I think I probably was. And, why not? It’s not every day you help your daughter skate for the first time. Besides, I had more tomorrows (353 to be exact) in which to take down my Christmas tree; and it was only this today that Iz first skated. ♥