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Was it the episodes of Kolchak the Night Stalker, Columbo, Kojack, McCloud, and McMillan and Wife that my Dad had me watching when I was little? Was I the great, great, great (add how many you think is appropriate, please!) granddaughter of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle? (My Dad loved Sherlock Holmes.) Or, is it just how I’m wired? For some reason, I can’t seem to avoid crime scene investigation or law and order in my life.
Today, when I wasn’t putting out the trash, revising my documentation estimates for a potential contract job, picking up Nathan, cleaning the house, or shopping for groceries, I made a brave attempt to clean out the email in my Inbox (3608 messages) and in my Sent (6906 messages) box. When doing so, I came across an email I sent to a friend about 2 years ago. It described (Drama Queen mode is on!), a horrific assault that occurred in my home one morning.
After I heard a loud scuffle downstairs, I went down to investigate. Liam, wearing his “Jets” leather jacket, had cornered Rover by the door. Rover, wearing her “Sharks” leather jacket, had her razor sharp dew claw out and was waving it back and forth in front of Liam’s nose. It was a rumble! Before I could physically separate them, Liam gave Rover a whack, Rover growled, and then I swooped down, picked Rover up, and I put her out on the porch.
I chased Liam off, and when I went out to check on Rover, I found her bleeding profusely on the porch. Obviously, Liam had gotten her good. I couldn’t figure out where, so I call the vet’s and brought her in immediately. And, here’s how it all went down.
Was it the episodes of Kolchak the Night Stalker, Columbo, Kojack, McCloud, and McMillan and Wife that my Dad had me watching when I was little? Was I the great, great, great (add how many you think is appropriate, please!) granddaughter of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle? (My Dad loved Sherlock Holmes.) Or, is it just how I’m wired? For some reason, I can’t seem to avoid crime scene investigation or law and order in my life.
Today, when I wasn’t putting out the trash, revising my documentation estimates for a potential contract job, picking up Nathan, cleaning the house, or shopping for groceries, I made a brave attempt to clean out the email in my Inbox (3608 messages) and in my Sent (6906 messages) box. When doing so, I came across an email I sent to a friend about 2 years ago. It described (Drama Queen mode is on!), a horrific assault that occurred in my home one morning.
After I heard a loud scuffle downstairs, I went down to investigate. Liam, wearing his “Jets” leather jacket, had cornered Rover by the door. Rover, wearing her “Sharks” leather jacket, had her razor sharp dew claw out and was waving it back and forth in front of Liam’s nose. It was a rumble! Before I could physically separate them, Liam gave Rover a whack, Rover growled, and then I swooped down, picked Rover up, and I put her out on the porch.
I chased Liam off, and when I went out to check on Rover, I found her bleeding profusely on the porch. Obviously, Liam had gotten her good. I couldn’t figure out where, so I call the vet’s and brought her in immediately. And, here’s how it all went down.
Law and Order: Feline Intent
Liam had better get a good lawyer because Rover is suing for emotional damages and the $171.69 veterinarian bill! He got her right in the cephalic vein; that’s why she bled so much.
Oh, excuse me for a minute…the police are here now…
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The police questioned me, Liam, and Rover. They put Liam in the police car (after using two sets of handcuffs, mind you, someone should invent paw cuffs for use on either bad dogs or cats!), and they are taking him down to the station to press charges: Assault and Battery on a Senior Feline Citizen.
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Here’s the victim resting comfortably with her bandaged paw.
Here’s the criminal behind bars Rikers with no chance of parole.
And, finally, here’s the crime scene, as you can see they’ve indicated exactly where the victim was found.
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And, as I made my way through the day today, I realized how much life is like a crime scene investigation. Okay, maybe it really isn’t, but I want it to be, because crime scene investigator is next on my career list after Cosmetics Sales Associate; and we all know how well Cosmetics Sales Associate is going!
Crime Scene: First floor entryway, Isabelle’s broom from Halloween, which has been shredded…
Detective Lenny Brisco says: This looks like the work of a kitten.
Plume: Guilty of Assault on an Inanimate Object
Crime Scene: Upstairs hallway outside Iz’s room, Iz’s outfit: shorts (in the middle of Winter?!) with leggings and silver pumps…
Detective Lenny Brisco says: This looks like Iz dressed herself.
Iz: Innocent of a Fashion Crime, Guilty of Excessive Fashion Creativity, Released on Her Own Recognizance (First Offense) and Asked to Change Her Outfit
Crime Scene: Bathroom, unrolled toilet paper hanging way down, which forms a large paper pool on the bathroom floor
Detective Lenny Brisco: This is tricky. One first might say a cat did it; however, the paper shows no signs of claw marks and is not shredded. Yep, this looks like the work of a six-year-old!
Iz: Guilty of Mishandling Paper Products, Life’s Too Short So Mom Rolls it Back Up
Crime Scene: Iz’s room, Liam and Plume on top of Iz’s desk looking innocent
Detective Lenny Brisco: It would appear that no crime has been committed, but they are cats.
Liam and Plume: Guilty In Advance of Some Crime We’re Sure That They’ll Commit in the Next Ten Minutes
I ♥ Lenny Brisco.
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1 comment:
You can't do TP over the top if you have a cat!
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