Emotional Rescue

Blog soundtrack:



I was in a mood this morning. I don’t know if it was strictly a woman mood or if it was something else. I do think, and I’m sure it’s scientifically proven, that women tend to have more moods than men.

Lately, my mood had been pretty upbeat. But, I was having these dreams and thoughts that had me feeling a bit unsettled. If my life wasn’t unsettled enough, my sleep had been haunting me like my hometown had suddenly become Amityville.

I had been pretty good lately about not turning on the TV the past few weeks. Though in my defense, the rain had me a bit blue as well as the water + kitty litter that was leaving small cement clumps all over the house.

So, this morning, I thought, “A second cup of coffee with the news; that’s okay.” As it turned out, it was a second cup of coffee; however, channel surfing got the best of me. Law & Order wasn’t on, but, I found Yentl. I had never seen the whole movie, but when I saw Avigdor, I thought, “Oh. I always thought that guy was so cute!”

I had always heard the movie was bad and quite sappy; however, I’m not one to listen to critics. As I sat there on the couch, I thought “This is Barbra Streisand and a wonderful story. How bad could it be?”

In about five minutes, Barbra was singing a song at the top of her lungs. I then thought, “I like musical theater, but this doesn't seem to be as good as the "The Sound of Music.” Although maybe my opinion was tainted since "The Sound of Music" was the only musical I ever really watched. So, I continued to watch.

Hadass loves Avigdor.
Avigdor loves Hadass.
Anshel marries Hadass.
Hadass begins to love Anshel.
Anshel loves Avigdor.
Anshel tells Avigdor she is a woman.
Avigdor loves Anshel, but Yentl (Anshel) will not settle for being a “wife” who cannot study the Talmud.

When Anshel (Yentl) confessed her love to Avigdor, I began to feel all of her emotion. Nathan had a half day and when he came into the kitchen, I was sitting there weeping on the couch. All I could say was, “It’s Yentl!”

He rolled his eyes promptly left. I sat there, and as tears rolled down my cheek, I suddenly felt better than I had in the last month. While Mandy Patinkin caressed Barbra Streisand’s face, whatever I had been feeling previously was gone; thus proving, there's nothing like a good cry to get you out of a mood!

And in the last scene where Yentl was singing on a ship headed to America, I got even more emotional and thought, "I do think I like this movie!" The last scene reminded me of my passionate acting days. Okay, it was really only a passionate acting day.

I thought about being an actress, and it wasn’t just because my Dad always used to say to me “Stop being an actress, Jean Marie!” I took an English class my Junior year of high school with Virginia Kirshner. I remember being in the Little Theater, and we were acting out The Glass Menagerie. You thought I was Laura Wingfield, didn’t you? I wasn’t; I was Tom Wingfield.

I can’t remember now who played Laura; however, I do remember getting up on stage and reciting my lines reluctantly at first. And once up there in front of 25 classmates, I thought, “What the hell?” It was probably the first time in my life I thought “What the hell?”

I read Tom like the person I wanted to be at the time, a person who had things to say but was afraid to do so. After uttering a few lines, a few of the popular girls in class snickered. I heard them laugh.

I stood there, looked out at the crowd, and swallowed myself and Tom. Just then Virginia Kirshner looked sternly at the snickering girls and said, “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

They stopped laughing immediately. And then she shouted to me from the audience, “Continue!” And, I did.

I wondered in that moment if I should be an actress. I enjoyed it, and most importantly, the head of the drama department had cheered me on. It was only later I realized what a great teacher she was. But then, I didn’t know if I really wanted to be an actress, because I loved writing so much.

But, I did know at that time and in that place, Virginia emotionally rescued me. Years later, I'd be thankful for that, being able to feel my emotion no matter what the situation and regardless of who was there.

Today, after Yentl ended, I gathered up my things for the gym. I got into the car with my sneakers and iPod. On my way there, I heard “Silly Love Songs.”

It’s a song I would normally hear and think, "What was Sir Paul thinking?!" Yet today, like Yentl, I tuned in, turned the volume up, and enjoyed it for everything it was. And, I drove to the gym happily singing a silly love song.

Today, I didn’t need to buy a lipstick, purchase shoes, or do any other shopping to feel better. Had this change in my life come with maturity, or could it be that a musical and a song put my world back in tune? Today, my money was on Yentl and a silly love song. ♥