Thursday, March 25, 2010

Instantly Ageless

Blog soundtrack:



As most everyone knows, I’m a typical girl. I like shoes, clothes, cosmetics, and perfume. Though, I can also go out and bike 40 miles, walk a marathon, and survive teaching my son how to drive; I’m still working on changing my bicycle tire, trying to conquer my aversion to grease, both the lubricant and the musical.

Yesterday, I went to get my hair cut. I always find it a rejuvenating experience, because my hair becomes a bit different, and whatever the transition, it always makes me feel a bit brighter. Also, I’ve known my hair stylist for over 20 years now, so there’s the added aspect of spending an hour with an old friend every five weeks.

When I arrived, my hairdresser greeted me as well as Diva, her cat, and Kimchi, her dog, who was sitting in the lap of an older woman. I recognized the older woman, Sally. I had bumped into her there once before, and I tried to remember when.

Oh, it was when my stylist, Donna, was having trouble with a male client who was very fond of her. What was the problem? She was married and not interested, and he was married and interested.

I remembered her telling me about it. My stylist is a very lovely person, and she didn’t know how to tell this man that she wasn’t interested yet wanted to keep him as a client. So, she decided that whenever he came in, she would have Sally there for protection.

I greeted Sally, and I tried to say “Hello” to Kimchi; however, when I got close to Kimchi, he growled. My stylist laughed and said that Kimchi was very protective of Sally. Oh, no kidding!

I sat down and Donna began to do her magic on my hair. But, all the while, there sat Sally with Kimchi. I assumed that Sally was visiting, and Donna began to barrage me with questions.

I didn’t know Sally well, but I knew her well enough to know that my answers to Donna’s questions were safe with her. After two minutes, it became clear to me that this visit was more than about my hair. Sally chimed in on several things, and after five minutes, it felt more like a slumber party.

Sally talked about the challenges of living in elderly housing. I talked about the challenges of finding a job. Donna talked about the challenge she faced because Kimchi had not eaten , defecated, or urinated in the last 24 hours. Major girl talk!

Actually, we discussed menopause. When, where, how, and why? We compared war stories; of course, I hadn’t experienced anything thus far, and, quite frankly, I was pissed off about it!

We discussed gray hair. Sally had a lovely head of gray hair, and I told Donna that when I was all gray, I would remain so. This was never a popular topic with Donna or most of my girlfriends who always said, “No!!!!!!!!”

It was nice being there. It felt like a safe haven from the dark cave of employment scrutiny and uncertainty. We laughed, we talked, and we shared.

Once my hair was done, Donna said to Sally and I, “I have something to show you.” As Donna said, “James picked it up in New York City at a show,” Sally and I both looked at each other somewhat suspect. James was a hair stylist also.

Donna said, “It can make your wrinkles disappear in an instant. You use it when you’re going out, because it only lasts 8 hours, and it's $79.95 a bottle.” I was beginning to feel very Cinderella as Fairy Godmother Donna explained how this wrinkle cream worked. At midnight, my wrinkle-free face would crumble and then become like the skin of a pumpkin!

Donna left to go retrieve her bottle of wrinkle remover. Sally and I looked at each other; we were skeptical. But, because we both had nothing better to do, we were open to whatever Donna had in her bottle.

About five minutes later, Donna came back carrying a very small bottle of white cream. She handed it to me. I read the bottle out loud saying “Instantly Ageless. Face Lift in a Bottle.

She pumped up my seat so I was now looking at the ceiling instead of at the mirror. She said to Sally, “I just need to dab a bit under each eye.” I started to laugh, and Donna said to me, “Don’t move! It says not to move on the instructions!”

I complied as I felt her dab the cream under both my eyes. She said, “It must dry now.” Suddenly, I felt her waving a paper fan over me. She asked, “What do you feel?”

I said, “I feel like my skin is drying up.” She said, “Oh, that’s good.” I asked, “It is?” She said, “Just don’t laugh.”

When I was little, my Mom made us homemade paste. It was flour mixed with water. Was it as good as Elmer’s? No, but it worked, and it was a “green” glue!

As the cream dried under my eyes, I felt like I had flour and water paste there instead of a $79.95 cream. Donna asked me how I felt, I said, “Well, it feels like my face is going to crack.” I heard Sally start to laugh, and Donna said most sternly, “Don’t laugh!”

I lied there drying. Then Donna said, “Okay, Sally. I’m going to do you now.” Sally said, “I think I’m going to need a bucket of that to sit in!”

I said, "Hey, Donna. After this, I can pick up young men, right?" Sally laughed hyserically. Donna said to her sternly, "Don't laugh, Sally!"

Sally said, "I'm sorry, but that was funny!" Donna grumbled. I said, "I'm sorry. I'll be quiet. I promise!"

Donna was not deterred. As I remained in the chair, I heard Donna telling Sally about the benefits of this amazing cream. I think both Sally and I had already become BFFs with our wrinkles, but we loved Donna, so we let her love our wrinkles.

After Sally and I were dry, Donna said, “See the difference.” Sally and I both said, “Yes!” But, I don’t think either of us saw much difference.

I looked in the mirror, and I only felt that my skin was now as tight as the casing that was on the keilbasa I had the other night. Perhaps it was because I already knew I had wrinkles, accepted them, and that they had become part of the family that was my face. They were my second lines two times removed.

Did Sally or I opt to buy the face lift in a bottle? Donna asked us if we would like James to get us each a bottle. I said that I'd have to think about it, and Sally said, "Maybe if I win the lottery."

When with Donna and Sally, I realized I acknowledged my age, but I didn’t let it define me. I think that’s why Iz likes me. I’m not only her mother, but I have still having fun dressing up, running around in the yard, and I like Hello Kitty.

I never need to feel instantly ageless. I always feel ageless in any instant. And, I hope I die before I get old.

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