Snatch the Pebble From My Hand

Lately, I’ve been wallowing in a sea of North, East, South, and West, failing to plot a course in any particular direction. Feeling so frazzled about both my professional and personal life, I found it ironic recently when a friend asked me for some direction. It was not direction in felines, shoes, vintage clothes, or Sephora; it was direction in relationships.

Stop laughing. Actually, thinking about it now, I’m probably laughing harder than you are right now. My friend was quite a bit younger than me; I guess at my age, one that much younger might think me wiser when she didn’t think me goofy because of my very minor infatuations with pink, felines, shoes, vintage clothes, and Sephora.

Anyway, she was delving into the currently calm yet always potentially stormy relationship waters. It appeared she needed a floatation device to grab onto. There I was, a Hello Kitty inner tube in the Pink Sea.



Despite thinking “Hello Kitty” and “pink,” I currently saw myself like this.



Quite miraculously, she saw me like this.



I prefaced her request to listen to a scenario by saying, “I’m no relationship expert!” She knew my history; however, that didn’t scare her off. She presented her scenario to me, and I tried to offer assistance.

After talking to her, I realized that after being in total un-relationship for the last 8 years, I really had no idea how to make things work between two people anymore. I was rusty and somewhat jaded. And, I wondered if by giving her my thoughts, I was pretty close to practicing Relationship without a license, even though I was way beyond the marriage license point of my life.

A few days later, I fielded some more questions. Actually, given her young years, she was very wise. Lately, I wondered if I couldn’t learn a few things from her during these exchanges.

At one point, she asked me something that I knew I could answer well. I said, “That’s simple, Grasshopper.” I had called her “Grasshopper” a few times before, because I was beginning to feel a bit like Master Po from “Kung Fu.”

Before I could bestow my wisdom upon her, she asked rather perplexed, “Why do you keep calling me Grasshopper?” I laughed, and a woman nearby who overheard her question asked, “Don’t you know the TV show, Kung Fu?”

I said, “I doubt she does. She’s a bit young for that.” I told her it was a TV show about the adventures of a monk named Kwai Chang Caine in which there were flashbacks to when Kwai was a young boy getting advice from a Master Po, who always called him “Grasshopper.” Yes, she didn’t say, “Oh, that show!”

Instead I redirected and asked, “What year were you born?” She said, “1976.” I said to the other woman, “See, she totally missed out on Kung Fu,” to which the woman said, “1976! That was the year I graduated from high school.”

Anyway, when the woman was finally out of earshot, we continued our discussion. In some ways, I thought that while I wanted to help my friend in any way I could, this was also a good trial run for those years when Iz would come to me to ask advice, which I hoped wouldn’t be in the form of the question, “Mom, which should I pierce first? My tongue, my bellybutton, or my nipples?”

So far, Nathan had only really come to me to get him out of school early, ask for money, request the car, or give me a huge bear hug when I was sitting at my desk. He was not one to share, especially his feelings nor any of those related to women, who he had already deemed entirely too difficult to deal with. I still had hope that Iz might come to me for all those things and relationship advice!

Today, I had mentioned “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” to my friend. Of course, I had read the first two chapters once upon a time; she answered that she had already listened to the audio book. Well, she was already way beyond me; Master Po had some catching up to do, and at this point in my life, perhaps it would be a good time to try and read the whole book.

I’m sure our relationship conversations will continue. To tell you the truth, I look forward to them. I’m not sure if she’ll learn much from me. She’s very insightful all on her own, which is something I’ve always admired about her.

I do think I’m going to learn a lot from her or perhaps even relearn everything I had forgotten so long ago. Even though I currently only had questions about my own life, it was nice to know my friend thought I might have some answers for hers. And, if I didn’t feel like Master Po in my own world, it seemed like Grasshopper was going to remain in my Master Po world until she could snatch the pebble from my hand. ♥