Painful Meditation

Tomorrow night, I run my annual 5K race. While I competed in track and field, volleyball, and cycling over the years, I was never one to run a lot of road races. The first road race that I ever participated in was my town’s annual July 4th race.

While I jogged (read "plodded") a few miles every day when on the track team, I hadn’t been doing much running before that race at all; however, I thought, “Heck, I’m an athletic person; therefore, I am a runner,” which turned out to be a really stupid 16-year-old thought back then. After the gun shot at the starting line, I took off, though way too fast. I remember stopping in the middle of Haynes Road, ironically the road I grew up on, to heave pant after pant.

I heard footsteps fast approaching. As I stared down at the asphalt still panting, I thought, “Thank goodness; it’s the paramedics!” I looked up and two young children, a boy and a girl, went running right pass me! That was my first and last road race for quite a while.

After I had Isabelle, I wanted to get back into shape, so I joined the gym at work. Years earlier, I had gotten into power walking with a friend of mine. We walked 5 miles every day at lunch and even competed in a few races.

I could never quite get the hang of race walking, mostly because I thought it looked so goofy; it wasn’t like walking down the runway. Hmm. I just watched both of those videos, and you’re right; they’re both somewhat goofy!

Anyway, one day, I was walking on the treadmill at the gym, and like Forrest Gump, I decided it was time to run no matter how goofy I might look given I wasn't a "runner." Unfortunately, I, probably like a bazillion other women, have always been worried about how I “look.” I still hate telling people that I used to throw the discus and shot put, because I fear they’ll view me as some sort of Amazon on steroids, not that there's anything wrong with being an Amazon on steroids!

I know I’m not a brute. This is just one of my many insecurities. And, I have worked hard on each and every one of them for the past 48 years!

Fortunately, my gym partner, Lisa, exclaimed when I got off the treadmill, “You’re a good runner.” After that, I never looked back. And, that was good thing, because if I did, I most certainly would have fallen off the treadmill!

When I started my old job, which is currently my new job, because I now work for the company where I had my old job again, but they laid me off, so I work for them again, so it’s really a new job, an old-new job, or a new-old job, I joined a gym. Does anyone need me to diagram that? Maybe I'm making it more confusing that it is; however, the confusing part really is why they ever laid off me and all my co-workers.

Anyway, when I started working at my current company, I joined a gym, where I ran on the treadmill. When my company moved to a new site, the gym was too far to drive to, so I got a novel idea. Why don’t I run outside? And, I never looked back, except when I needed to cross the road and make sure I wouldn’t get hit by a car when doing so.

As it turned out, my company had a group of people who liked to run. They competed in this 5K race every August as a team. I forget how it happened exactly, but three years ago, I signed up for the race.

Throughout my life, I have never enjoyed competition. Most of the time, competition is like cleaning up cat barf to me; it makes me want to vomit! The only time that competition really didn’t make me nervous was when I played volleyball; I guess I always liked being part of team more than being on my own. (Post-it Note to my Personal Life: Hmmm.)

Tomorrow night at 6:20, I will be running around the streets of Manchester, NH. I know you’re wondering if the competition is making me nervous. Nope, and it’s all due to my race training strategy which is, “I don’t give a damn.” It’s amazing how that strategy makes you, well, not give a damn! I should approach more things in my life this way; I really do give a damn; however, I pretended not to which temporarily takes all the pressure off.

So, it is pre-race night, and here are a few of the things I’m doing to prepare myself for the big race.

I’m not giving a damn.

There's no visual for this. Let's face it, if I really did give a damn, I wouldn't be writing this blog now. So, I really don't really don't give a damn, because I'm not doping my blood, I'm not eating spaghetti, and I've not contacted my publicist, if I had one, in anticipation of becoming the 48-year-old who beat out every competitor to win the race!

Update iPod 5K playlist.

I’d rather run barefoot through dog poop and cat barf before I’d run without my iPod. Music drowns out the sounds of me gasping for air during any run.



I know she doesn’t look fierce, but believe me, she’s bad ass when “You Shook Me All Night Long” comes on.

Carbo-load.



“Let them eat spaghetti,” said Jean Marie Antoinette, the first Polish queen of France that history forgot, while you eat Double Stuf Oreos.

Tend to your toes.



Before you run any race, always make sure you're wearing clean underwear and ensure that your toes are impeccable in case you get into an accident. No EMT wants to look at a sprained toe with chipped "Keys to my Karma" on it.

Read inspirational material.

Try to read this…



Even though you might be better off with this…



And when all else fails, try this…



Consult your coach for strategies to use if anyone gets too close to you when you’re running.

Growl if you need to and bark to be annoying or, if a form of performance art, to be amusing.

(Note: The coach only speaks when motivated by the doorbell; it’s Pavlovian coaching.)

Use positive visualization.

Try to think this…



Even though you’re really thinking this…



Meditate before bed.



Most of the time, running is not really about physical ability (there's training involved, of course), but more about mental fortitude. Let's not make any excuses; running hurts. It's not like lifting weights, where you get breaks every set. It's constant exertion. Running is painful meditation.

The last few hundred yards of the 5K course is uphill. At this point, I will be doing a verbal mediation. It will go something like, “I think I can…I think I can…I think I can, because all I want is that cold beer at the end of the finish line!”

Stay motivated.

Although running is an individual pursuit, it can also be turned into a group activity.

This is why I run the race; it’s the team thing. Even when I wasn’t employed by the team sponsor, my company, I still ran the race on the team. The best part of the run is not the running; it’s really about my team members, Brenda, Jeff, Tom, and Amrit, four friends who have always kept me motivated and given me mental fortitude through all of the pain. ♥