War of the Frosting Roses

Blog soundtrack:



For the last day, Nathan and I have been having a small battle. Okay, I’m being a bit dramatic. It’s more like a discussion that has turned into a disagreement. I now refer to it as “To Cake or Not to Let Them Eat Cake.”

Since Nathan’s birthday was fast approaching, I decided I should text him yesterday to nail down a few details. We had already decided to go to his favorite restaurant on Saturday night to celebrate. And, his Christmas/Birthday present from me was a check to fund part of his trip to Europe this Spring. The only thing left was to decide what do about a cake for the official celebration on Friday night.

I was already a tad disappointed earlier in the week when Nathan told me he would be need a ride to Matt’s house by 8pm on Friday night. He was sleeping over and playing Dungeons and Dragons. I had told myself that it was his birthday, and he should do what he wanted, even though me and myself were saying, “Make him stay home!” Of course, I then said to me and myself, “Snap out of it!”

Anyway, when Nathan was about three, he decided he didn’t like cake and frosting; he only liked ice cream. Me, well, I could live on cake and frosting. Never mind the cake, just give me the frosting!

As kids, my brother, sister, and I always fought over who would get a rose at every birthday. On my 50th birthday, I want a cake that’s wall-to-wall roses. Unfortunately, that birthday is still another 13 years away. Is too!

By the age of four, Nathan’s birthday was celebrated by singing “Happy Birthday,” as he blew out a candle stuck in a large mound of vanilla ice cream. Being a cake and frosting person, this bothered me initially. But, I got used to it.

Once Iz came into being, I got a cake for Nathan, even though he only ever had a bowl of ice cream with a candle in it on his birthday. Iz didn’t understand birthdays without a cake. Being a cake and frosting person from the get go (with me never doubting I had brought home the wrong baby from the hospital due to this fact), no matter whose birthday it was, there had to be a cake, if only for Iz.

I thought for this birthday, we might try to please both Iz and Nate by getting an ice cream cake. Though, I knew no matter what, Nathan would likely only want his bowl of ice cream; however, we still needed a cake. There was no "day" in "birthday" without cake!

And this is how the cake discussion turned into a disagreement of sorts:

Me: Do you like ice cream cake? Dinner at your favorite restaurant on Saturday night!
Nate: No cake.
Me: What? Well, Iz won’t settle for that. We have to have one!
Nate: I said no.
Me: We have to sing and have a cake!
Nate: I don’t care…no singing…no cake…that’s all I ask.
Me: Jeez, it’s like you’re turning 50! (ed. See, I told you he was an old soul.)
Nate: I’m sorry…it’s my birthday…my rules.
Me (said in desperation): What if we have a cake and sing while you stay upstairs?!?!!??
Nate: NOT AT ALL.
Me: Grinch!!!!
Nate: Stupid face.
Me: Cat butt! (ed. Thanks for that one, Melissa!)

This was the first birthday where he insisted that there be no cake and no singing. Anyway, I gave up in that moment. I thought if I let it simmer for a bit, he’d mellow and cave to maternal pressure!

When I picked him up at school today, I had an Arizona Iced Tea waiting, his favorite, in the front seat for him. Okay, okay, okay! Guilty! It was a mild attempt to soften him up, before asking him about the cake again.

I said, “Are you sure we can’t have a cake?”
“No cake.”
“But, I…”
“No cake. No singing Happy Birthday.”

He was a tough nut to crack. People think we who are of Polish and German descent are stubborn. But, these pre-Revolutionary War Vermonters have it all over us!

I said, “How about a bowl of M&Ms with....”
“Fine.”
“…a candle in it, and then we can sing Happy Birthday?”
“No!”

Damn. He was good. He was good at telling people exactly what he wanted. Just then, I realized how much I admired Nathan for wanting what he wanted, something I had never quite been able to master.

I said, though still knowing in my heart it was going to be very hard to have a stealth birthday for my son, “Okay. No cake and no singing, if that’s what you want.”
He said, “Thank you.”

If I didn’t realize it later, I’m glad I realized it sooner. It was his birthday, and it was his 17-year-old life that he was taking control of. I had to respect that. I would always be his Mom, but I had to accept it was now time to gradually relinquish some control over his life.

He was now a young man. This became obvious to me last night when I looked at a picture of him and I a year ago. Then, he still had a bit of boyishness about his face. But, he looked and acted like a young man now.

Even though I knew all this in my head, I knew my heart still hadn't gotten the message. Because this Friday night, my heart would be wishing that there was still going to be a big bowl of ice cream with candles in it on the kitchen table. But, my head knew, I had to let him go, but, for now, just to Matt's house on Friday night without a cake and singing! ♥