I think I’m a pretty good Mom. Actually, I know I am. Though every now and then, I have my doubts when I find my voice elevated a tad while I say, “Isabelle, throw your candy wrapper that is on the floor of the family room in the trash can!”, “Isabelle, flush the toilet!”, “Isabelle, stop squeezing Liam like that; he’s not a stuffed animal!”
What about Nathan? Nathan is the perfect child; no, that’s not true. When Nathan was Iz’s age, he was just more of a rule follower, so much so that he used to frown at me with parental disapproval when I swore, spoke ill of someone, or told someone a white lie; he was “old” long before I was.
Iz, totally unlike Nathan, likes to challenge authority. “Why?” was her first word not “Mommy.” As far as Iz is concerned, everything is up for debate.
Even when she is proven guilty, it’s not her fault. Liam threw the candy wrapper on the floor, Monty didn’t flush the toiler, and she was not squeezing Liam hard; she was hugging him. The fact that Liam meowed loudly was him exclaiming his pleasure, and I was to pay no attention to his eyes as they popped out of his head due to the tremendous good loving applied to his rib cage.
Iz and I even had a script. When Nathan was that age, our script went something like “Nathan, please clean your room, “ and Nathan would reply, “Yes, Mom.” It was so easy.
My script with Iz went…
Me: “Iz, _insert_request_here, please.”
Iz: “Why?”
-queue heated 5-minute debate-
During the debate, she would blame a cat, dog, her father or Nathan for her actions. She was smart; always blame someone who can’t speak, and if you have to blame someone who can defend himself, make sure he is conveniently absent being several miles or hours away. When she finally gave in after I proved there was no way that Nathan threw her winter coat in the middle of the hallway, she executed the big triple which was “Okay, okay, okay!!!!”
After two snow days and a 2-hour school delay, I felt I had spent too much quality time with Iz. You know I love my daughter; however, the quality time spent with Iz was making it difficult for me to amass my mortgage payment for February 1st. Being a contract employee, I had no vacation time; a snow day was still a work day for me, and while Iz was a peach, it was hard to “work” when she was around.
I had taken her into work one day this week. After a few calls of nature and some food, she sat down to watch the Princess Diaries on my laptop. I sighed; I could finally work.
Before I turned to my monitor, I said to Iz, “Oh, I do love that movie.” Iz said, “Me, too.” She then asked, “Do you want to watch it with me, Mommy?”
I laughed. I thanked her. I didn’t even waste my breath saying, “Iz, Mommy has to work that’s why we are at work!”
Anyway, yesterday was the second snow day this week. I worked at home, because I couldn’t coax Iz to come into my office again. I got a lot of work done; nope, I was lucky if I put in three hours.
In an effort to pay my mortgage, I enlisted Nathan’s help. I asked, “Nathan, can you babysit your sister on Saturday, so we can still afford to live in the house?” Nathan replied, “Yes, Mom,” and he was still the same at 17 years old that he was when he was 7 years old.
While I was working yesterday afternoon, I received a text message from Nathan. He asked me if I was going out at night, because he had gotten himself into a “pickle.” (Yes, he really used the word “pickle.”) Nathan has always spent half his time with me and half with his Dad; however, for some reason, he liked being at my house better, which is why he sometimes used babysitting as an excuse to be with me.
The plan was that he would stay over Friday night and be ready to babysit at 8am. I would get into work nice and early, so I could leave early and salvage what was left of my Saturday. As it turned out, Nathan’s pickle was that his Dad assumed he was staying over last night, because I would be gone both Friday night and Saturday during the day.
Nathan’s Dad, Quinn, had invited both Nathan and Iz for dinner. Immediately, I went into good parent cop mode and said, “Well, yes, I am going to have dinner at a friend’s house.” Then I turned into a parent who was, as Jackson Browne says, “running on empty.”
I asked Nathan if he might take his sister to his Dad’s regardless so I could enjoy an hour or so of peace and quiet. Oh, who am I kidding? Monty was here, so it was peace with intermittent barking whenever I sighed, sneezed, or even thought about scratching Liam’s head.
Nathan agreed to make Plan Deception a reality, so his Mom would not malfunction. An hour later, he texted me and asked if Iz would like to go snow tubing. I asked her and she said, “Yeah!!!!’
My hour or so had now morphed into three hours. When Nathan arrived home, I took Iz , ran out to get supplies (salmon and wine), and then arrived home and gladly handed Nathan the car keys. Go forth, child, and leave me alone for the next three hours.
Was I a bad parent for thinking that? I don’t think so. Personally, I’d like to hear more parents say “I need some alone time” versus being proud of the fact that they hadn't ever left their children for more than eight hours.
Before Nathan and Iz left, Iz asked Nathan what they were having for dinner. Nathan said, “We’re having breakfast for dinner; it’s pancakes and bacon.” Iz looked at me and then asked, “Mom, is he serious?”
Funny, but in Iz’s world, like mine, there were endless crazy possibilities. So, it tickled me to think that she didn’t believe that it was possible to have breakfast for dinner. Nathan said to Iz, “Why? Is that a problem? You like pancakes, don’t you?”
Iz said, “Yes.” Nathan said, “Well, it’s breakfast for dinner.” She smiled at me, and I asked, “You like that?” She answered, “Yes,” as if she was eating at Disney World.
After they left, I stood there in the hallway not knowing what to do first. I had three hours to kill on me just me. I had a glass of wine, made dinner, and took a bath; I even posted all this to Facebook with a thank you to Nathan. Amazingly, Nathan “liked” it.
I love my son. He really didn’t want to go tubing or to his Dad's. He would have preferred to have stayed home and played X-box, but he took a hit for his Mom.
When they arrived home, Monty barked. Are we surprised?! Iz was exhausted, but I let her stay up and watch a little of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
At 10:15, she asked, “Mommy, can I go to bed now?” Did I feel like a bad parent then? I said, thinking I was being a cool parent, “Of course, you can.”
We went upstairs, she went to the bathroom (and flushed the toilet), brushed her teeth and climbed into bed. She was asleep in under 5 minutes. In about ten minutes, Nathan was downstairs, looking at me like he needed a favor for taking a hit for the Mom.
He asked, “Mom, if Sam picks me up, can I stay over there tonight?” I answered, “Yes.” I knew Nathan wouldn't be back early in the morning; however, he gave me a precious gift tonight, and I needed to pay him back.
Within 20 minutes, he was gone. I was sad. I knew he was going to go off to college soon, but when he left the house last night to go be 17, it hurt me to be 48 and left in the house.
I had wanted to be alone; I needed it. But when it happened for longer than I wanted, I hated it. I had been running on empty, and now I felt an empty nest looming.
Breathe in, as Iz said. Breathe out, as Iz said.
My life was changing so fast and in so many ways, oh my!
But, that was a good thing. ♥
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