Crime and Punishment

Every morning, I fight a battle. Amazingly, my opponent is half my size, says “revember” instead of “remember,” and still believes in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus. You’d think I’d win this battle once and for all based on fact that I’m bigger, can pronounce most words correctly, unless there’s more than two glasses of wine involved, and, finally, because I believe that the Great Cat Goddess is a powerful and all-knowing yet moody being not unlike myself!

While I occasionally say those things that remind me of my mother, I also occasionally get sick of saying certain things. This would be things like, “Please brush your hair” or Please get dressed” over and over again to Iz. Typically, I ask, I go off to get myself ready, and when I come back ten minutes later, Iz is still lounging on the couch in her PJs with a blanket covering every part of her body except her head.

Don’t get me wrong. Iz is a great kid, and she listens most of the time. Though, she’s better at hearing “Let’s go to the mall” or “Let’s get manicures and pedicures” than she is at “Please brush your teeth” or “Please stop squeezing Thunderbolt like he’s a stuffed animal.”

This morning, after many repeated requests for cooperation, I entered the family room once again to see Iz no closer to being ready to go to school. She was sitting there munching on a muffin and holding the TV remote. If I didn’t know any better, she was male, it was Sunday, and all the best football games were on!

I said, “Iz, you need to get ready now!” She looked up at me from her spot on the couch, muttered, “I am!” while shuffling back and forth in her seat, trying to give the appearance of putting on her socks under the blanket, and then proceeded to continue to watch TV. Yep, it must have been a football game – The Wizards of Waverly Place versus the Jonas Brothers.

I said, “That’s it!” I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV; funny, but now I had her complete attention. I was waiting for her to say, “But, Mom, the Jonas Brothers were on the 10-yard line!”

I made my “I mean business now” face, which Iz might probably confuse with my “I really have to pee” or my “I just stepped on a coughed up furball” faces. No matter, as long as my face showed urgency and anger.

I said, “That’s it. From now on, you must get dressed and brush your hair before you turn on the TV in the morning.” She glared at me and I swear her head may have spun around once or twice.

She then said...



It’s always good to be serious when you’re a parent trying to “mean business.” The way she said it and in light of recent events, I didn’t laugh to myself. I totally laughed out loud.

I said, “Are you kidding me?” She crumpled up her face and rolled her eyes. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn she was going for the Academy Award for the best portrayal of an Overly and Unfairly Punished Child.

At that point, I decided it was time to help her get dressed and brush her hair. Tomorrow there would be no TV; however, today, I ended the battle early, noting that there were going to be many more battles and my medal for being "the best Mom a chid coald have" would be awarded and then taken away for many years to come. ♥