A Stylish and Practical Solution

Last night, I attended a party. Of course, I was wearing very practical shoes for this dark and rainy night; no, I really wasn’t. They were only practical if Webster’s Dictionary defined "practical" as a pair of two and a half inch black velvet mules with sequined butterflies on each toe; however, Coco Chanel, Betsey Johnson, and even RuPaul might define them as practical.

Anyway, when I sat down on the couch next to my friend, Brenda, I groaned. I really wanted to take my shoes off; I said, “Does anyone mind if I take my shoes off?” I don’t remember anyone saying, “Oh, no, please not that!” I kicked them off.

In a minute, I began to smell something. It was not stinky feet. It was similar to new car smell, except it was new shoe smell; the smell was made stronger by the fact that the shoes had indeed come into contact with sweaty feet. I quickly put my shoes back on.

Brenda, seeing my dilemma, asked, “Hey, have you seen those fast flats?” I said, “Huh?” She went on to explain that they were flat shoes you could whip out of your purse when you finally admitted to yourself that having toes that weren’t numb or sore meant more to you than the way those three-inch black patent stilletos with the peep toes made your calves look oh so sexy.

I told her that I remembered watching a video on youtube that afternoon, and I had to watch a commercial before the video. I said “I think it was for those shoes!” I recalled these young girls out dancing when all of a sudden one of the women whipped off her heels and then put on these hideous flat black shoes.

At the time, I thought, “What was that all about?” I wasn’t really paying attention, so I wondered if it was an ad for Dr. Scholl insoles. When Brenda explained the concept to me, I didn’t “get” it.

Nota bene: I know people have to wear orthopedic shoes and I understand that, but I just hope I’m never one of them. While thinking about it, I was reminded of a book that Tunabreath and I wanted to write many years ago; the concept was things we’d never wear when we got older. We would not wear plastic rain bonnets, Chanel No. 5, or orthopedic shoes.

As Brenda and I sat there, I had a hard time understanding why young women or any woman for that matter want to whip off her heels in exchange for a pair of ugly black flats. From a fashion standpoint, it was instant outfit death. I said to Brenda, “Those shoes are so ugly, why not just whip on a pair of orthopedic shoes for that matter or just go home and put on your robe and slippers?!”

Brenda sent me a link to the fast flats today; I knew I had to check out these slippers masquerading as a sexy yet comfortable shoe. Brenda prefaced the link with the fast flat’s tag line, which was ““A stylish and practical solution for times when you just can't bear to take another step in your heels.” As a red-blooded fashionista, I know that you can always take another step in your heels if you really want to, especially if they make the outfit and make your calves look more killer than they already are!

Brenda placed a smiley face at the end of the email. She wasn't into fast flats either; however, it seemed we were both having a laugh over the idea of them. Unfortunately, we got stuck in traffic on the way home, which led to a post-party fast flat tantrum.

Of course, I ranted some more about them. This had us (Brenda and me) in hysterics, taking our minds off the fact that we were stuck in traffic and thirsty. Fast flats weren’t sexy, but they were incredibly humorous, especially when you were grumpy.

Anyway, I thought even sneakers would be more acceptable over fast flats. Sneakers and a little black dress say “Cyndi Lauper.” Fast flats with a little black dress say, “It’s time for me to go home now and soak my feet in Epsom salts.”

Question 1: Which one would you choose? By the way the only right answer is the right one. Hey, it’s my blog!



Question 2: Again, which one would you choose? By the way the only right answer is the right one. My blog, people!



After reading more about fast flats, I discovered that they come with a “stylish wristlet.” They’re not shoes; they’re a bracelet, too! I replied to Brenda’s fast flats email with “Hey, you might as well be wearing a pair of these!”



I’m all for comfort; however, I think there are comfortable heels out there. I own many pairs of them. How many? Yeah, I’m so not telling.

I have Crocs. They’re plastic, ugly, and pink, but they are comfortable. but, I’d never ever consider wearing them with my little black dress even if it meant blisters for three weeks.

On many occasions in life, it is mandatory to be stylish and impractical. I think sticking to your guns and your stilettos is mandatory at those times. Sometimes it’s more about how you look and how that look makes you feel than about the pain you feel when wearing the look. ♥