Adventures in Cycling for George

Georgie, I logged 38 cycling miles this week.
Wooo-hooo!
Yeah, yeah, you're in Austin, TX, and you've got one bazillion miles logged now, cuz you can ride all year, cuz it's always warm there. :-)

Anyway, I thought about biking on the rail trail today, but then I thought better of it.
It was sunny and warm here today, so, I knew taking my chances on 2A with the tractor trailer trucks was much better than dealing with all the, um, characters on the rail trail.

So, this is something I wrote a while ago, but I dedicate this to you, George.
Thanks...for being there...always.
And for waking me up at 7am every morning when I was there in Austin to go biking!
Um, loved that! And the fact that you always had a cup of coffee and English muffin waiting for me.
You are a prince. :-)
Especially for taking me around to all of the vintage stores in Austin while you patiently waited in the car with a book as I perused the goods.
Resulting fun:


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Note: Old story, so no need to be concerned with "W" anymore!

There is a l-o-n-g paved trail near my house for the enjoyment of biking, rollerblading, running, walking, horseback riding, and anything else you can do on a few legs or wheels. It was an old railroad route that became defunct, and then they "paved the woodland paradise and put up a recreational trail"! [My apologies to Joni Mitchell.]

So, I was riding along on my mountain bike today, doing my usual Ayer to Pepperell roundtrip route, and observing the rules [yes, there are unwritten rules] of the rail trail. These rules are staying to one side, always telling people "on your left" when you're about to pass them, and not doing amazingly stupid stuff in general.

During my ride, my thoughts tended to wander from thinking about what to have for dinner to how the easiest way to end the war and get rid of George Bush simultaneously would be for the American people to have old Georgie spend one day in Baghdad by himself; I'm pretty sure we'd never see him again [ed. or he would get shoes thrown at him!] and that would be the end the war.

Anyway, while thinking these deep thoughts brought on by major biking bliss, I am more often than not rattled out of them by someone who has chosen not to observe the rail trail rules. The general behavior and attitude of some of the railtrailites (as I like to call them) is pretty amazing sometimes.

I really love (not!) the parents who stop their bikes in the middle of the trail, dismount, thereby leaving their bikes parked in the MIDDLE of the trail, and then begin to entertain their children with mini-nature lessons right next to the paved trail.

It's bad enough you have to zig and zag around their parked bikes, but then as you approach, one of the kids is always guaranteed to step back on to the trail without making sure there is no oncoming traffic, causing you to swerve and end up biking in the rocks and dirt on the other side of the trail.
Eeeek!
Would these same parents pull over their cars on the side of a major interstate and let their children play by the edge of the highway while lecturing the tots of benefits of the rumble strip? I don't think so.

Another annoyance is the older couples who insist on biking next to each other; for example, today, I called out "on your left" to indicate to the man, who was riding on the outside that I'd like to pass so could he please pull over. [Yes. "On Your Left" can mean as little or as much as you want it to!]
Instead of speeding up to get in front of his female partner or slow down to pull in behind his partner, he moves closer to the her, like within inches, which startles her making her sharply turn her handles bars to the right to avoid being so close to him, and then she ends up riding in the dirt and rocks on the side of the trail almost losing control of her bike.
See, love doesn't stink, but it can surely get you injured on the rail trail!

Then there's what I like to call the "lonely guy", who is usually riding by himself, usually over 60, got a beer belly, and is always wearing a helmet that is like two sizes too small for his head.
He's a weaver and a bobber, and as I've concluded today, he is also deaf and clueless.
I always approach the "lonely guy" with caution, because from about 100 yards behind him, I can see him weaving from the left then to the right; it's almost like there is something genetically wrong with the guy that makes it impossible for him to ride in a straight line!
For him, at about the 90-yard mark, I shout at the TOP of my lungs, "On your LEFT!"
Of course, does he hear me?
Nope.
Again, at the 50 yard mark, I shout "On your LEFT!"
Does he hear me yet?
Nope.
Once more within 5 yards of him, I yell, "On your LEFT!"
Does he hear me now?
Nope.
At this point, he is still weaving and bobbing and bobbing and weaving.
I can see he's not listening to an iPod, so he is either hard of hearing, has no clue about rail train etiquette, or is just another obnoxious railtrailite who thinks he owns the road (or in this case, the rail trail).
At this point, I have to make a split-second decision, because when I attempt to pass him, I need to quickly dart to the left of the trail if he bobs or sharply to the right if he weaves, OR just go right into the dirt and rocks, because after all, I am riding a mountain bike, and if this guy bobs or weaves into me, according to the Murphy's Laws for the Rail Trail, I'll be the one to hit the pavement, and then I'll be sporting a nice case of road rash on my legs for the entire month of June.
Five...four...three...two...one!
Into the dirt and rocks with me...I pass the guy, and 10 yards later, the "lonely guy" still has no idea that I passed him.

One of my favorites is the "scared people"...they don't do anything obnoxious and they always understand "On your left!"
It's just that they are in this state of Nirvana whilst riding their bikes, and when you say "On your left!" (and usually I don't scream this at people; I only scream at the dumb bobber and weaver cyclists), they usually jump like five feet in their seats and then scamper over to the right like little Chipmunks.
I have to giggle at the scared people.
You can tell that they're like these totally stress-free lovely individuals (thinking of nothing but raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens while biking), but then you come along, scare the crap out of them, and ruin their whole ride. :-)

This one guy today didn't fall into any of the annoying categories.
Actually, he gets a category all his own.
It's the odd-yet-intriguing-yet-cute category.
I'm merrily biking along and I see a guy approaching me pulling one of those kiddie wagons with his bike.
Liking the tots as I do, I was thinking, "Oh, I wonder who he is pulling?"
As I get closer, I notice that he's about 50 with a scraggily beard and looks like he's got a 2 six-pack of Budweiser and a pack of Marlboros a day habit.
I then immediately thought, "Egad. What does his kid look like?"
Intrigued, I made sure to glance at the kiddie trailer as he passed by.
Well, it could have been his "kid"; there was definitely a resemblance.
There in the kiddie trailer sat a little chubby pug, smiling (yes, dogs DO smile!), and panting up a storm.
Well, at least, I can say that the guy was most definitely a good doggie daddy.
:-)

Next there's the "Over gadgetized biker".
This is the person who has the rear-view mirror on their handle bar or on their helmet, BUT never uses it.
You can bike within two feet of this person, and when you say "On your left!", this person jumps NEVER knowing that you were behind him/her (not to be confused with the scared cyclist). Come on.
If you're going to act like you're all about safety, then use the freakin' mirror!

The second part to this is the person with the cell phone.
It's bad enough I have to deal with you people when you attempt to "merge" on the highway.
It's as if moments before the ON ramp, they say, "Oh, let's see. I can continue this call with my wife about whether we have Italian or Chinese takeout" or I can pay attention while I merge onto Rt. 495, so I don't get run over by an 18-wheeler."
More often than not, they take their chances with the Wal-mart truck.
Very stupid!
Anyway, on the rail trail, I encountered the cyclists with the cell phones, and I'm thinking that people who need to get calls while biking are the ones who need to get hooked up with the "scared cyclists".
Don't you think?
I mean the cell phone cyclists need to be thinking about whiskers on kittens and not about what kind of take out to get for dinner, and I think that Julie Andrews would agree with me here!

Then, there's the "Dufus Doggie" person.
This is the young girl tuned into her iPod who is blantently ignoring the leash laws and letting her little inbred pup wander about on the rail trail.
You see her approaching, and then you know her dog is going to dart in front of you, and she thinks that she can call her dog to her if need be, and then said pup will OBEY and move out of the way.
BUT, this scenario always ends up with the cyclist in the dirt and the rocks to miss hitting said inbred pooch and then with the cyclist nursing a bad case of road rash for at least a month for having saved the life of said inbred pooch.

Lastly, today, I also got wind of the "Screwy Little Kid".
He's the kid biking with his Mom, and up until you're about to pass him, he's fine.
His Mom has already said to him, "Stay to the right, Sedrick. There's another cyclist ahead."
But, the minute he sees you, he has this unearthly inclination to steer directly toward you, making like he's going to hit you, which has you instantly hitting the dirt and the rocks, and at the last minute before the imaginined collision, he steers back on track, staying to his right.
By now, you've already hit the dirt and rocks in anticipation, so then you turn back to look at him wondering what that was all about, and he glares at you as if he's "Damian" from the Omen and it's as if he's siliently saying to you, "Nana-nana-boo-boo, Poopiehead, I made you bike in the dirt and the rocks!"

And, finally, in the heroes of the rail trail category, I nominated and grant the award to all those Moms in their rollerblades pushing the 50-pound stroller with the 30-pound kid in the stroller.
They're the heart and the soul of what the rail trail is all about; they also ALWAYS smile as you pass them by.
Oh, or are those really winces of pain?!
Hmmmmm. :-)

[Peony Jane's Rail Trail Adventures were brought to you by the Boston & Maine Railroad. See her show "Rail Trail Adventures" on PBS this Fall!]