Take the Long Way Home

Tomorrow, I’m going to see a friend who’s dying. My friend’s a house and she lives on the island of Nantucket. She was diagnosed with Regret, Disillusionment, and Disappointment, and her doctor, Bob Vila, said she’s terminal; it’s time for her to pass away…to another owner.

I’m making the long voyage (two-hour car ride and a two hour and 15 minute ferry ride) to the island tomorrow. It’s surely not a necessary trip for the things I am going to retrieve, though it surely seems necessary to me to see her one last time. I really hope I don’t cry when I see her; however, lately, when I think about her passing away, I cry… a lot.

And, I know it seems like I’ve been crying a lot lately. Like cleaning my house, crying is often therapeutic for me. I always feel better after a few tears, which makes me think that crying is sometimes like an emotional enema; you have all this shit bottled up inside you, the water comes, and then washes it all away, well, mostly.

As the time draws nearer to leave (6am tomorrow morning to be exact), I find myself further away from crying, which I guess is good. I try and think that what I will see is not the “home” I once knew, even though I once knew it to be my “home.” It’s only walls, windows, and doors now; it’s a shell that someone else will again fill with furniture, appliances, beds, and, most importantly, love.

My father, who originally owned the house, has been dead over 10 years now. When I wonder why the loss of the house is so upsetting for me, I think a large part of it is feeling like I’m losing my father again. Upon further reflection today, I realized that like the house, I sometimes feel like a shell due to a lot of regret, disillusionment, and disappointed these past few years, and I have to hope that, like the house, someday soon I will be whole again and filled with love. ♥

P.S. I’m going to try to do a few mini-blogs tomorrow; have pink laptop, will try to write. I’m still trying to master the art of the short yet informative blog post, so I shall try and practice tomorrow! If not, please don't cancel your subscription to my blog, especially if you've already used your free gifts, the Freudian slippers and the breathalyzer keychain.